fear

I spent another night going over my greatest 'fear.' I'm afraid of death, or so we would say. But after thinking over it, I came up with a belief. There is only one fear in this world, and that is fear of the unknown.

Think about it: Arachnophobia, fear of spiders. Now, I freak out when I see a spider, but, where does the real fear come from? It comes from not knowing what will happen when you encounter a spider. You don't know where you'll find a spider, or how, and when you do, you don't know what will happen. Will it bite? And if it does, will it be painful, itchy, or deadly? So, you see, arachnophobics are really just afraid of not knowing how a spider will impact them.

Take my fear now, death. I'm not actually afraid of dying. It's gonna happen, it's inevitable. But the fear I have, the fear that has kept me awake for countless nights is not knowing what will happen after death. Now I'm Christian. But I have my doubts. Who doesn't. If there is really someone out there who doesn't have a doubt in this religion, then we've found ourselves are second-coming Christ! 

So anyways, I stay up at night fearing the worst. What if all that waits us after death is an actual endless sleep, our rest in peace, forever? Now that is really scary to think about. Unfortunately for me, I think too much. I should just say "Nah, I'll go to heaven." But, when I do, I start thinking "Wait, am I gonna be an angel, look like eveyone else, andnever see any loved ones again?" That doesn't work for me either.

So, what do I do? I look at my brother and mother, and hope that the day will never come, that there will not be a moment of my life where I won't be able to see them again. But I'm just fooling myself. It will happen. It is inevitable. And that's when I curse Adam and Eve for giving us the delightful gift of death. 

So, yeah, the only fear man, and woman, have is the fear of the unknown. We all hate the feeling of not knowing what will happen after we do or see or hear or whatever, anything.

P.S.: To any religious devotees, if you're gonna lecture me, do it kindly. Remember, Jesus never beat God into anyone....