For simplicity-sake, I consider my current home the only one I've ever had. I am aware that we've moved a couple of times, but that was at an age where memories are vague and very much distant.
My home is a single apartment, meaning it has no rooms, pretty much designed for one person (hence the name). Yet, I've managed to live there with two other people, my mom and my brother. Although my mom has been moving the furniture around throughout the years, we've always had two beds. I've had to share with either my brother or even my mom. Right now, we have no couch. All we have are two beds, a big drawer with a TV set on top of it, a desk with a PC, and that darn pool table (Ely...). We have a table pushed to the wall, located near the kitchen, small kitchen. There's a small bathroom, two. Everything's small.
Despite all that, I'm OK with it. I've grown up to not ask for much, not want much, and be OK, at least, with what I have.
Still, there are times when I do wish my life where different. Where money is not the biggest issue we have. I want a bigger home. Nothing fancy.
After visiting my dad's house recently, I found out how much life is unfair. He has a house with 4 bedrooms. His two kids have a room each and have turned the fourth into a game room! They have a living room, whereas we have a living-bedroom.
That's part of the reason why I lasted a week of staying over there with my dad while in college. I got mad. Jealous even, maybe. My dad has never really been around. I see my aunt and how my cousins' father sends her money every month. My dad does no such thing. For my birthdays, he usually comes to take me out to dinner. I hate it. I hate it because I wish I could go out an eat with my family more often, but I can't. I know that.
Before, when my mom had a way better job, that was when we were most happy. Even then, I never asked for much. Everything was pretty much unappealing. I was never into video games and such. I used to, am even today, a big time daydreamer. I would rather just lay there and daydream of impossibly wonderful worlds and characters. Anyways, when my mom had money, she would invite everyone to everythingfrom family to neighbors to friends she never really talked to, but uncles/aunts did. We would go to restaurants with family like every weekend. My mom would pay most of the part whenever we would go to an amusement park and such. We would be visited by family every week, and have holidays together and have union.
But now, everything's different, to a sadder life. Now that my mom barely has money, no one visits. They probably think I don't notice it or just decide to ignore it. This year, both my brother and I didn't get a single present from anyone. I was actually used to it cuz I've never gotten present in the past couple of years, but what really broke me was to see how my brother started hating all our family members cuz they didn't even bother to call. Not even the one uncle who is always supposedly putting family first and was Ely's favorite. It wasn't fair for him.
All three of us, my mom, my brother, and myself, are complete pushovers. Everyone finds it easy to use us for their benefit and once we can't give them or help them, they leave us with nothing and carry on to 'better' things.
Fuck them! Fuck You! (not you, reader, specifically. a certain you)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
government
Before I begin let me just say that I am not in favor of or am defending anything here. I am simply noting a strange behavior of our governments.
So, one of the most controversial issues of today is the fact that we the people do not really have free will. Immigrants can't stay, gays can't marry, and so forth. However, the problem with our arguments is that we only see it as 'breaking our natural rights' when we find it convenient to. Think about it. Now, again, I am not saying this because I agree, but it is funny. Racism is frowned upon by a lot of people, most likely the same people who are fighting for their rights. These racists are bashed for openly showing their opinion, yet, we are all wondering why the hell no one listens to us. Gays wish to be allowed to 'come out' and be their own person, but they cannot stand it when someone expresses a homophobic attitude. It's kind of hypocritical when you think about it. Some will say tat the problem is not that people are open with their own opinions, but that they go too far, like the KKK. But, really, everyone gives the death stare when someone is careless enough to say 'black person.' And sometimes it's not even to be racist. Sometimes you really don't know the person's name and their isn't really anything that stands out about them, so how else can u describe them? Eh, jusyt something to think about....
So, one of the most controversial issues of today is the fact that we the people do not really have free will. Immigrants can't stay, gays can't marry, and so forth. However, the problem with our arguments is that we only see it as 'breaking our natural rights' when we find it convenient to. Think about it. Now, again, I am not saying this because I agree, but it is funny. Racism is frowned upon by a lot of people, most likely the same people who are fighting for their rights. These racists are bashed for openly showing their opinion, yet, we are all wondering why the hell no one listens to us. Gays wish to be allowed to 'come out' and be their own person, but they cannot stand it when someone expresses a homophobic attitude. It's kind of hypocritical when you think about it. Some will say tat the problem is not that people are open with their own opinions, but that they go too far, like the KKK. But, really, everyone gives the death stare when someone is careless enough to say 'black person.' And sometimes it's not even to be racist. Sometimes you really don't know the person's name and their isn't really anything that stands out about them, so how else can u describe them? Eh, jusyt something to think about....
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
funny
Funny how I expected the worst for the days to come, funny how I woke up feeling lazy, yet, refreshed after a good night's sleep. Funny how that sleep started out with the worst expectations for the days ahead. Funny how I just made a full circle just now, with words!
I spent some time last night worrying again. College. I've got a place to stay while I'm over there, and a ride to and from school everyday. However, my mom wants me to come home every weekend. But, how? I can't ask my dad to drive me from Riverside to Van Nuys on Fridays, then wake up early on Mondays so he can travel from Riverside to Van Nuys, pick me up, then take us both to Irvine. I just can't. No matter how I want to. And I really, really want to.
My mom, my brother, and I have rarely been separated. Occasionally, Ely would visit our uncle at Bakersfield for the summer, but summer's only 3 months! By the first week, I already miss him. (which is one of the many reasons why I've stopped going to Bakersfield.) So, yeah, I can't imagine spending most of my junior year of college away from them. I'll miss them too much. I'll miss my kitty, Princess, the stuffed animal I still sleep with (ha -__-), everything and everyone I''ve grown up with for the past who-knows-how-many years.
This is what kept me up last night. But then I remembered this blog, thinking whether I should post this or not. And from that, I remembered a quote I posted on here, "Today is the Tomorrow we feared Yesterday." I took it in. How many times have I freaked out this summer only to find that it all came out OK in the end? I shouldn't worry. At least not so much. It's only a year. Hell, if I somehow learn how to drive over at my dad's, I am so moving back and driving to school everyday! I shouldn't worry. College is going to be awesome, I can feel it. It all comes down to whether or not I make the most of it, and I'll be damned if I waste the next 4 years of my life!
I'll miss them, sure. But I'm not moving away. No. I'm just doing whatever I can to make college easier, and less expensive. ;) It's good practice, too, for that one day when I have to move on, make my own life.
Hello UCI. Hello a new me. Not a different me, just a better me, for the good.
I spent some time last night worrying again. College. I've got a place to stay while I'm over there, and a ride to and from school everyday. However, my mom wants me to come home every weekend. But, how? I can't ask my dad to drive me from Riverside to Van Nuys on Fridays, then wake up early on Mondays so he can travel from Riverside to Van Nuys, pick me up, then take us both to Irvine. I just can't. No matter how I want to. And I really, really want to.
My mom, my brother, and I have rarely been separated. Occasionally, Ely would visit our uncle at Bakersfield for the summer, but summer's only 3 months! By the first week, I already miss him. (which is one of the many reasons why I've stopped going to Bakersfield.) So, yeah, I can't imagine spending most of my junior year of college away from them. I'll miss them too much. I'll miss my kitty, Princess, the stuffed animal I still sleep with (ha -__-), everything and everyone I''ve grown up with for the past who-knows-how-many years.
This is what kept me up last night. But then I remembered this blog, thinking whether I should post this or not. And from that, I remembered a quote I posted on here, "Today is the Tomorrow we feared Yesterday." I took it in. How many times have I freaked out this summer only to find that it all came out OK in the end? I shouldn't worry. At least not so much. It's only a year. Hell, if I somehow learn how to drive over at my dad's, I am so moving back and driving to school everyday! I shouldn't worry. College is going to be awesome, I can feel it. It all comes down to whether or not I make the most of it, and I'll be damned if I waste the next 4 years of my life!
I'll miss them, sure. But I'm not moving away. No. I'm just doing whatever I can to make college easier, and less expensive. ;) It's good practice, too, for that one day when I have to move on, make my own life.
Hello UCI. Hello a new me. Not a different me, just a better me, for the good.
carrie underwood presents temporary home
Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone.
Another new mom and dad,another school,
Another house that'll never be home.
When people ask him how he likes this place...
He looks up and says, with a smile upon his face,
"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."
Young mom on her own.
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go.
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out,
Because a half-way house will never be a home.
At night she whispers to her baby girl,
"Someday we'll find our place here in this world."
"This is our temporary home.
It's not where we belong.
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."
Old man, hospital bed,
The room is filled with people he loves.
And he whispers don't cry for me,
I'll see you all someday.
He looks up and says, "I can see God's face."
"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This was just a stop,on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know... this was
My temporary home."
This is our temporary home.
A little too used to bein' alone.
Another new mom and dad,another school,
Another house that'll never be home.
When people ask him how he likes this place...
He looks up and says, with a smile upon his face,
"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."
Young mom on her own.
She needs a little help, got nowhere to go.
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out,
Because a half-way house will never be a home.
At night she whispers to her baby girl,
"Someday we'll find our place here in this world."
"This is our temporary home.
It's not where we belong.
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through.
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."
Old man, hospital bed,
The room is filled with people he loves.
And he whispers don't cry for me,
I'll see you all someday.
He looks up and says, "I can see God's face."
"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong.
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through.
This was just a stop,on the way to where I'm going.
I'm not afraid because I know... this was
My temporary home."
This is our temporary home.
Friday, September 10, 2010
lifehouse presents everything, again
One of my favorite songs. A must for those gloomy days when you've just had about enough. Excuse the video itself. No music video was made for this song, and this one only had pictures so yeah. Enjoy!
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